By that I truly do mean "everything."

I felt as if pieces of my life had been tossed into the air, like coins, glittering and ringing as they fell to earth and rolled beyond my reach. It didn't seem like I had the power to change a single thing for myself. I was about to move, I didn't know what I was going to do with myself when a new year began at school, and I was having problems figuring out exactly how I was going to even pay to return in the fall. Most of the people I cared about were traveling or aloof or living far away, and I felt bored and frustrated and alone.
We were set to move at the end of the month, but for reasons we couldn't have foreseen, I had to take on the burden of paying our first and last months rent myself. I wasn't angry at my friends over this, but I felt horrible and poor and trapped all the same. There weren't any answers, and there weren't any happy endings I could see. I certainly wasn't happy anyway. The best thing I could see was that I'd been losing weight, because I lost interest in eating. A close friend seemed to forget about me for days and weeks at a time, and broke my heart. Trying to concentrate at work was almost impossible. Each day I came into my office with a thousand problems, sulking through repetitive, busy days with feelings of isolation and loneliness and a tense, nervous sadness and fear which brought me close to actual anxiety attacks.

As I said, I was going crazy.
It's very important to me that I know what I'm doing, and I didn't know what I was doing. I need to feel like I have control over my life, and I didn't. Instead, I felt alone and trapped inside a summer of boredom, terror and stress. I didn't have any choices. Nowhere to go, no one to talk to, nothing to do but wake up every day, come home every night, and hope that maybe in two or three weeks things would somehow be better.

I looked forward to moving, sure. The new house was beautiful and bright and spacious, and it was located in one of the best neighborhoods I'd ever seen. My job was going well, but that didn't matter when I spent my days pulling out my hair and brooding in the shadows of the immense black stormcloud above my head.