Classic Snivel
October 19, 1998.

Today is Lilith's nineteenth birthday -- at once the happiest thing a day like this could be, and yet odd for the reason that she is now the same age as I was when we met three years ago. She says she remembers thinking how very old nineteen seemed to be from her perspective at the time, and I wonder now if that sense of me being rather aged ever gave her an impression of me being some stodgy old ogre -- which is kind of the way in which I felt she was seeing me towards the end of our relationship. It's a little weird, because we still haven't talked about whatever has been nagging at her thoughts lately, and yet we've been talking an awful lot all the same, and I feel giddy whenever we speak, and somewhat purged of a few of the toxins from our past as I'm drawn to her voice on the phone. I don't think either of us have really healed, and it's going to take some longer, more difficult conversations which differ greatly from our cheerful, bubbly, sessions of sharing and witticisms. It's also probably going to take the visit I have planned to Montreal to really open those doors and clean out the dust and cobwebs, and probably more vistis and encounters before the ghosts decide to leave. Most likely more time than that will occur before I can finally bury some things I've left lying around.

You know, we've spoken to one another far, far, more in the past month than in the past year and a half. Talking to my old friend so freely, and openly, without awkwardness, and without fighting, puts me in a place I felt was almost too much to ever hope for. The sort of thing you'd wish for while passing by a water fountain, and because you know it's a stupid wish, you only throw in a penny. Well, that's not really fair to say. I have spent a lot of time, emotion, and sleepless nights both regretting and attempting to salvage our friendship, and I know that in so many ways, being on good terms with me was important to Lilith, too. I still don't know what's making this reconciliation possible, but I am doing all I can do embrace it, make it feel welcome, and prevent it from ever going away.

It's funny, because if you could see me in my office right now, you'd remark to yourself, "Well, that's queer -- Rob sure doesn't look happy!"

And I'd say, "I never said I was."

O c t o b e r 22

I must say, sometimes we have the most amazing luck. The other day, when we were at Disc-go-round, the groovy local used CD store where I bought the Frogpond CD, among others, Broken noticed a sign advertising a contest at the store whereby one lucky winner would get 2 tickets to the upcoming Dave Matthews concert at the Corel Centre (Ottawa's obnoxiously enormous venue for tractor pulls, hockey games, concerts, and whatever else you can lure thousands and thousands of yokels to) on November 13. In any case, Broken seized a ballot, filled it out, and immediately began making plans as to what she would do when she won. I personally felt that such confidence was premature, but for some reason she had a sense of destiny with her that day. Well, as it turns out, she got a telephone call from "The Bear" -- Ottawa's least terrible (a different thing from the word "best") radio station -- just about twenty minutes ago. And let me say, with no further foreshadowing -- well, we're going to see Dave Matthews! I am so deliciously impressed with the sheer random chance of it all. I suppose it's true, though, that once in awhile, everybody wins, and this just happened to be her day. Still, I'm very happy for Broken. She's been depressed and sick of late, caught between a lot of stressful situations and conflicting personalities, and at this very moment she is positively elated; dancing around, giggling and living up the hour in a deliciously giddy fashion. She isn't all that familiar with Dave Matthews, but she knew that I had been looking forward to the concert, and now she has the pleasure of taking me with her. In my own turn, I shall probably buy Charlotte a ticket so that she can come with us, as a kind of welcome-back present when she returns from her three-week trip to Germany on the eighth.

Anyway, so far it's turning out to be a neat old day.

O c t o b e r 23

I apologize for being so silent this week. I wish I could give a million good excuses about how busy I've been, but I know you truly don't want to hear it. If it helps, my life has been particularly uninteresting of late, so it's not like you're missing out on anything. Tonight I'm having a friend from my morphology class over for dinner, and ostensibly for studying, but I imagine we'll mostly just be hanging out and giggling. I'm actually really nervous about it; she's never been over before, the house is a mess, I've been cleaning my room all morning, and Broken and I both think she's the sweetest thing since Pop Rocks. I'm off to work, though, so I'll have to let you know how it goes.




Brought to you by Jolt Cola, with
the buzzing and mild irritation of
caffeine induced paranoia.

e-mail helps to moisten.
Back to this week of The Daily Snivel.

Return to days past for more Classic Drivel.

Back to Purple People Eater Town.