the daily snivel

  Quack, quack

Well, the doctor I saw today says I'm just fine, which somehow does not fill me with confidence given how rotten I feel. My head is still hot, achy, and dizzy, my tonsils are redder than a baboon's bottom, my lungs have less room for air what with all the yellow phlegm they've been accomodating, and although I've come into the Clinic to get some essential work done today, I've been suffering the whole time and exposing everyone to my infectious plague germs.

In fact, I don't feel the slightest bit better and I think it would serve that doctor right if I just died.

That'd show him.

Speaking of primates (however loosely), I think it is vitally important to remind you not to mess with them, in case you had an outstanding grudge with that know-it-all chimp from Every Which Way But Loose, or BJ and the Bear, or the evil monkey in Chris Griffin's closet. Remember: you know that horrible burning rage inside your brain that makes you want to take revenge on those have wronged you? That's a lingering vestige of your monkey brain. However, primates are all angry monkey brain. They are also much stronger than humans and literally capable of tearing you limb from limb, what with the exceptional upper body strength which they possess (and that we lack, thanks to our bipedal locomotion). They also have remarkably good cause to hate all humans.

Why do I bring this up?

CALIENTE, CALIF. - Two chimpanzees broke free from their cage at a California animal sanctuary Thursday, chewing off most of a 62-year-old man's face and biting his wife.

...

The couple, who had brought a birthday cake to Moe, were standing outside his cage when two other chimps in an adjoining cage, Buddy and Ollie, attacked.

Sanctuary officials say they don't know how Buddy and Ollie escaped from their cage.

Hospital officials say St. James Davis is in critical condition with massive injuries to his face, arm and leg. His testicles and a foot were severed and he will require extensive surgery to re-attach his nose.

His wife, LaDonna, was bitten on the hand while trying to save her husband.

I'm not trying to make light of this horrible mutilation, but rather draw an important lesson: Primates. Monkeys. Apes. Don't mess with 'em. And don't make them wear rollerskates. 

  Give it to me straight, doc

Well, it's my third day of being a sick bastard, languishing as I am here with a continuing fever, sore thoat, and congested lungs. I stayed home on Tuesday and Wednesday but had to briefly go in to the Clinic because I'm on the committee that is deciding who to hire as summer students, and we needed to meet today to make our final decisions because offers of employment will be made tomorrow. However, I'm feeling no better and in fact seem to be doing a little worse, making me think that I'm also coming down with bronchitis and strep throat, so I'll be seeing my doctor first thing tomorrow morning in the hopes that antibiotics will set me straight. In the meantime, it's more bed rest, History Channel, popsicles, and hot and sour soup for me.

In fact, so long as I don't turn out to be the victim of some horrible superbug, this won't be so bad a rest. 

  If it bleeds, it leads

Ah, my precious vultures in the media have caught the scent of sexual controversy in the air and have entered into the fray about Bell Sympatico's ignorant and misogynistic attempt at humour in its advertising. Unfortunately, I don't subscribe to The National Post so I don't have access to the whole article, but here's a snippet:

Internet security campaign excises private parts, leaves customers incensed Bell Canada insists it was just a joke. But a flyer depicting a textbook image of the female anatomy with certain body parts cut out is being decried as offensive by feminists and Bell subscribers, some of whom are threatening to drop the service unless the telecommunications giant issues a public apology.

The flyer, part of a multimedia ad campaign to highlight the Bell Sympatico Internet service and parental controls, was mailed out to households in Ontario and Quebec late last week. It shows a diagram of the female body with the breasts and pubic areas scissored. Part of the advertisement reads: "You'll do anything to protect your kids from inappropriate content. So will we."

If anyone does have access to the full story, please let me know. Perhaps it is as easy as just going out and buying today's edition. I shall see. 

  People say "confined to bed" like it's a bad thing...

All I can say is that my body enjoys finding ways to remind me that I'm overdoing it. All those long days and short nights have earned me a rather nasty case of the flu and I'm home, sick and short of breath, on this very snowy day. I came home last night with a terrible headache and a serious case of the chills. I went to bed shivering, and had feverish dreams all night, thinking about whether I'd be able to make it out of bed in the morning. Luckily, this last winter storm buried the city in snow and forced the cancellation of my early morning driving lesson, so I decided to stay in bed with my nice, toasty, cuddly cat, and watched history documentaries and Memphis Belle on the History Channel. All in all, a splendid day of rest, and one that was badly needed.

Then I got some great news via a phone call from the Legal Clinic -- I've been offered a part-time summer job as our web designer, so that we can finally get our anemic and elderly website accurate and up-to-date. This is a wonderful opportunity that I'm truly looking forward to. I couldn't come back this summer as a caseworker, since I'm graduating and all (and summer employees must take the Clinic Course as division leaders in the coming school years), plus I'm going to be busy with my Bar Admissions Courses in the summer. But this way, I can gradually wean myself off my beloved Clinic (unlike my poor older sister, who experienced a terrible sense of loss when she left last spring to begin Bar Admissions and her articles), still see my friends, and remain involved. I might even get to carry an interesting file or two and generally help out in the Criminal Division.

Not to mention that a summer job means money, and while money can't buy me love, it can buy some very satisfying substitutes. 

  Freedom Bacon

The world's mightiest superpower, or petulant baby? Or can it be both? After Prime Minister Paul Martin heeded the wishes of the majority of Canadians last week and announced that Canada would not take part in the expensive failure to weaponize space (aka the missile defence program), Condileeza Rice has announced she is cancelling her visit to Canada in April. With the US administration sulking at the latest nation to exert a little backbone, can "Freedom bacon" be far away?

From the Daily Kos:

In one of the most childish and immature US foreign policy decisions recently, ("freedom fries" was the winner in that category prior to this), Condoleezza Rice has reportedly delayed her scheduled April trip to Canada due to this country's decision last week not to participate in the Ballistic Missile Defense (BMD) program.


The ripple effect created when Canada said 'no' to signing on to U.S. missile defence seems to have penetrated deeper south of the border than first believed.

CTV News has learned that U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was so displeased by Canada's decision to opt out of the program that she's postponed a planned visit to Ottawa in mid-April.

A senior U.S. State Department official, who was on board a London-bound flight with Rice, confirmed to CTV News that the cancellation of the Canadian visit was a direct consequence of Martin's decision.

Washington State Department spokesman Adam Ereli took a softer line, saying there's still discussion going on about the timing of the meeting, and that "it'll happen when the stars are all aligned in the right way."


They're now consulting astrologists? Well, that sounds quite familiar, doesn't it?

Apparently, the US administration doesn't appreciate the fact that Canada actually has leaders who think things over and occassionally even listen to the electorate which does not support participation in BMD either:

That could take a very long time, reports Clark. He adds that it wasn't just that Martin opted out of the American plan but the way in which he did it.

Martin has sent signals in the past that he was in favour of Washington's missile defence program.

"I think our sovereignty depends on our being at the table when discussions are taking place about the defence of North America," he said about a year-and-a-half ago.

And last fall, Defence Minister Bill Graham made statements indicating it would be a serious mistake for the government not to be at the table with the Americans on the issue of missile defence.

But on Thursday, Martin announced: "BMD is not where we will concentrate our efforts. Instead, we will act both alone and with our neighbours on defence priorities outlined in (the) budget."

Further proof that thinking about things is not allowed:

Chris Sands of the Centre for Strategic and International Studies says that the result of Martin's backtracking on the issue could have negative consequences for Canada-U.S. relations.

"The one thing with Bush, the one thing you don't do with him is double-talk him. You tell him what you think," he tells CTV News.

Canada has now told him exactly what we think, so what is the US administration complaining about now? Oh. That's right. Because Canada does not agree with Bushco about BMD, our thinking must then necessarily be wrong.

Remember Paul Cellucci? US ambassador to Canada who told us last week that Canada has given up its sovereignty because we stuck up for our sovereignty? He weighs in now with this:

Paul Cellucci, the U.S. ambassador to Canada, says American anger and astonishment at Canada's decision runs deep.

Prove it Cellucci. Is that some kind of threat? And is delaying Rice's trip to Canada some kind of retribution? Frankly, was see that as a bonus. If she's so miffed about visiting us now because we made a decision to protect our sovereignty and independence, we'd rather she stayed home.

Meanwhile, back in fantasy land:

"Bush is very frustrated with Canada and the way Canadians are making their decisions, about everything from Iraq to missile defence," says Clark, adding that consequences of Martin's decision could impact trade areas such as softwood lumber.

Ummm, hello United States of America? The softwood lumber dispute has been going on for decades and guess what? Canada won at the WTO. What are you going to do? Invade and cut down all of our trees?

Dwight Mason, former chairman of the American section of the Canada-U.S. Permanent Joint Board on Defense, said one impact will come next year when the Norad agreement comes up for renewal.

"The decision to opt out of missile defence is an abandonment of some Canadian sovereignty," he writes.

Please. I'm asking nicely now. Can someone please explain to me how choosing to stand up for our country's policy decisions equals giving up our sovereignty? I've misplaced my copy of 1984.

What was it Rice had said during her confirmation hearings? Wasn't there something in there about practicing more diplomacy? Maybe that meant practicing diplomacy only with countries that agree with absolutely everything you believe in...or else. Yes, that must have been it. I guess I misunderestimated what US diplomacy this time around was supposed to be about.

It's like living with an abusive spouse: "I promise I'll change! I promise it will never happen again! I promise to do things differently next time!"

Smack.

 

  Let the obfuscation begin!

A very unsatisfactory form-response from Bell Canada that was sent to me and several friends following our complaint:

Good day,

Your email has been forwarded to our Bell Advertising Team.

Please be advised that in no way does Bell Canada find the female body inappropriate. Our advertisement was a tongue-in-cheek attempt to show the lengths
some people will go to in order to protect their children from "inappropriate" subject matter - the implication being that textbook diagrams of the human anatomy are the furthest thing from "inappropriate". This message was intended to play off of some of our other recent television ads that poked fun at those that go to far. This was not meant to be taken literally.

Thank you for your feedback. We appreciate your comments and take them very seriously.

Regards,

Bell Canada Entreprises
Bcecomms@bce.ca
Tel.: 1 888 932-6666
Fax: (514) 870-4385

Note how Bell is attempting to say "Aw, shucks, lighten up! We was just kidding around!" as if to imply that it is the unsophisticated sense of humour of those who complain that is at fault, and not their mangled message. Note also that the print ads are entirely divorced from the context of the televison ads, which I pointed out involved a creepy family without implying that they were going too far -- after all, Bell Sympatico effectively embraced such censorship by peddling the parental control software.

It's hard to say you're being tongue-in-cheek about something when you're marketing a product to serve the very interest you're being tongue-in-cheek about. It would be like advertising scalpels in the context of female circumcision and then saying "We were just poking fun at the lengths some people will go to in using our products to slice off parts of the human body. Lighten up!"

In a word, disingenuous.

Mutter.

Well, I guess it's Rogers Hi-Speed internet for me next year... 

  Everybody hates women, right?

More on the hateful and ignorant advertisements by Bell Sympatico that eviscerate everything female from the human body as "inappropriate content." A good friend of mine created a site for people to discuss their responses and actions at Agatha's Apples. Here's a snippet from a complaint sent out to Bell:

Hello BCE Communications and Customer Care,

I am deeply shocked and offended by Bell Sympatico's recent print advertisement depicting a grade-school-anatomy-like picture of a woman with all pictorial references to the female reproductive system (breast and pelvic regions) cut out. The advertisement includes the caption"You'll do anything to protect your kids from inappropriate content. So will we."

The picture is reminiscent of the sort of diagram that young people would be shown during sexual health education classes and depicts the circulatory system and bone and muscle structure under "transparent" skin. Aside from the aforementioned cut-out regions on the female figure, there are six small surrounding illustrations labelled Liver, Heart, Uterus, Brain, Ovary, Kidney. The picture of the uterus and ovary have been cut out as well.

The reason this ad is so deeply offensive is its strong misogynistic tone in proposing to parents and children that the female body is an inappropriate thing, in and of itself, which must be censored and against which children must be protected. In the advertisement, the female body is depicted in a clinical drawing of the type used to educate children in schools; a nondescript female form with its arms at its side. Similar drawings may be seen in a pediatrician or family doctor's office.

While there are many expected, out-dated, misogynistic depictions of women that could equally have been quite unfairly paired with the discriminatory term "inappropriate," (such as a woman in revealing clothing, a strong successful woman in business attire, a woman in the scientific professions, etc...), the use of such a clinical figure is the very thing that makes the ad so particularly offensive and surprising.

The ad suggests that the figure represented is inappropriate because it has female reproductive parts. The figure in the ad is not engaging in any behaviour that could possibly be considered inappropriate / sexually explicit. It is simply standing. It is not performing any indecent act. It would be difficult to successfully argue that the ad is meant to suggest that the figure is inappropriate simply because it is nude, and not because it is female, and therefore not misogynistic and discriminatory. Note that it is only a female figure which appears in the ad; how could this not have been a conscious decision in designing this ad? Why not a male figure alongside it with his breast and pelvic regions cut out as well?

...

Go and participate. Comments are open and waiting for your own insights. 

  Fight test

You probably didn't see it before, since the post was hidden as a draft until I finished it just yesterday, so I'll point your attention to the outcome of my trial last week.