the daily snivel

  Oh Canada!

I have been rather skeptical about Prime Minister Paul Martin's willingness to take a stand on contentious issues against the petulant American President George W. Bush, particularly after Bush's visit to Ottawa last month and his nagging us over missile defence and pitching in soldiers for future combat operations. Honestly, I think Bush's shameless evocation of Prime Minister Mackenzie King and World War II was the one of worst things I've ever seen. Martin, meanwhile, has a very pro-business background, and has always curved a little to the centre-right in my analysis. To alienate the United States is to invite further trade obstacles, such as faced with cattle and softwood lumber. Martin even had to expel a Liberal MP from the party when she continually went on record as despising the United States government, and openly criticized the Liberal government when she was reprimanded. Martin's hated predecessor, Jean Chretien, was an outspoken critic of George W. Bush, and Martin and Chretien agreed on very little.

So imagine my surprise when I read about Martin's very principled stance on Iraq and missile defence. When taken along with his insistence on quickly introducing a bill to formally recognize same-sex marriage across the country, and calling this an act of courage and leadership, I feel like it's a bit of a Christmas miracle. Here's the story from canada.com

Prime Minister Paul Martin said Tuesday he does not believe the U.S. ballistic missile shield will succeed in shooting down incoming rockets, as he threw up new roadblocks to counter President George W. Bush's strong appeal for Canada to join his continental defence plan.

Canada will not put any money into building the missile shield and it will not allow Washington to station rockets on Canadian soil as the price of participation in the multibillion-dollar program, Martin told Global National in a year-end interview.

In another issue that could cause friction with Bush, Martin said Canada was prepared to accept U.S. citizens who do not want to serve in the war in Iraq.

"In terms of immigration, we are a country of immigrants and we will take immigrants from around the world. I'm not going to discriminate," said Martin, when reminded that former prime minister Pierre Trudeau opened Canada's doors to draft dodgers and deserters during the Vietnam War.

'AN ILLEGAL WAR'

When asked whether the prime minister was referring to ongoing attempts by Jeremy Hinzman, a 26-year-old U.S. deserter, to gain asylum in Canada after refusing to serve in what he calls "an illegal war," Martin spokesman Scott Reid said the prime minister "was not commenting on any individual case and certainly was not sending a signal to the immigration board."

Canada will not put any money into building the missile shield and it will not allow Washington to station rockets on Canadian soil as the price of participation in the multibillion-dollar program, Martin told Global National in a year-end interview.

...

Martin has been under heavy pressure from the Liberal caucus and the party's grassroots to reject the defence shield, which he admitted may not even work to knock down incoming missiles from rogue states or global terrorists.

"Do I believe it could work tomorrow? I suspect there are very few people out there who testify that it could. Do I believe eventually technology could bring it to that point, in all likelihood, but I'm not a rocket expert," he said in another TV interview.

Martin said Canada is not even close to negotiating a memorandum of understanding with the U.S. on missile defence, but added any document must include guarantees that it would not lead to the weaponization of space.

Canada would immediately pull out of the defence shield if it were to join and the U.S. subsequently put missile weapon systems in space.

"I don't believe space belongs to any country," Martin said. "We will not engage in the weaponization of space."

Martin acknowledged for the first time that next year's budget will pump money into Canada's hard-pressed military, including funds to allow the Armed Forces to recruit 5,000 more troops over the next five years.

Martin admitted he struggled over his personal belief in the traditional marriage but finally decided same-sex weddings were a right entitled to all citizens regardless of their sexual orientation.

Canada has been a courageous ally in times of war, when those wars were just. I think our absence from both Iraq and missile defence are very telling for that very reason. 

  It has now been over a year

Since my wordy, purty, fascinating, and desirably readable friend Celeste updated her blog.

Just sayin'. 

  Robot Santa Claus Has Judged You

"Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money... very naughty.
"Shopkeepers not paying their protection money... exactly as naughty."

[audio file]

Futurama (why Fox cancelled this show and kept the clever but not-nearly-as-funny King of the Hill on the air, I'll never know) tells us the legend of Robot Santa Claus, who was invented to bring Christmas to the world, but was programmed with standards that were set too high. He invariably judges everyone as naughty, and rains death upon the naughty people of Earth every Christmas (known in the year 3000 simply as "X-Mas"). The idea kind of got me thinking about our own, very human, moral failings. Even a realistic Santa Claus would find very few people who were actually nice in this world of intolerance, greed, violence, apathy, and inequality, particularly among the "values voters" who talk an awful lot of Jesus but practice none of his teachings. But I'm not here to rant about fundamentalist Americans. They're just an easy example of moral hypocrisy, especially at this time of year.

Let's face it. People everywhere cheat on their wives and they cheat on their boyfriends. They cheat on exams. They get violent. They plagiarize essays. They sent soldiers off to war on false pretenses to fight and die and kill indiscriminately before they themselves are killed. They take office supplies. They poison the environment. They drive after having a little too much to drink. They abuse the help. They lie. They break promises. They put money above dignity, loyalty, or decency. They're two-faced. They hope the ends justify the means. And, yep, some of them are terrorists, whether they bomb abortion clinics or airplanes. I could go on, but I hope you get my point.

And talk about naughty -- I'm naughty. I don't think there are many people out there who are perfect, or who even come close. It's hard to do everything right all the time, and some things are just too easy to justify. We probably don't even realize some of the things we do are immoral or illegal.

I don't have any easy answers, but I can suggest one wholly nice thing to do this holiday season. Kill your Secret Santa. That's right, kill it dead.

Secret Santa exchanges. You know, you draw names out of a hat and you have to get that person a present, and usually everybody agrees to keep the cost of the present under $10 or $25 or whatever. Workplaces and organizations are constantly having gift exchanges at Christmastime, and they're always a frustrating pain in the ass. I've known people who've forgotten about it, and felt like shit when they got something nice and hadn't bought anything for that person on their list, or alternatively someone who spent a lot of time and energy finding the perfect gift under $25 and were so bitterly disappointed about the piece of crap present they got from that cheap idiot co-worker who just couldn't be bothered to make any kind of effort at all. But whatever happens, a bunch of people have spent not very much money on useless trinkets, chocolates, scented bath salts, or whatever the fuck, on people who don't really need them and don't really care. It's a terrible waste.

The next time your co-worker, dorm/residence advisor, fellow book club member or whoever proposes doing this, hoping it will get people in the holiday spirit and golly gee, be a swell thing to do, politely shoot them down with a better idea.

Instead of 10 people each spending $5 on meaningless doodads for each other, have everybody pool that $5 and donate the very respectable total to your local shelter, food bank, or snowsuit fund. I mean, it's fucking Christmastime for Christssake, so why not be charitable? Give something back. It's way more inclusive than buying and distributing X-Mas presents and way more in spirit with the season, and at least one good thing to do with yourself and your time this year to offset all the horrible little bad things you've done.

Oh, and when you do it, tell me about it.

Update: My friend Tara adds her own perspective on the expensive futility of Secret Santa exchanges:

5. Work: this place is a cesspool ov humanity. Having said that, it is also a black hole where all my money goes. Aside from the fact that every single breeder in the entire place has to sell shit for their fucking kid's school...we also have a work potluck and "secret Santa" gift exchange. So I have to bring food - and a gift for someone I barely know. Now, I think I spent more time shopping for this gift than for any other one I have this year CAUSE I BARELY KNOW THE PERSON.

So that brings us to:

6. The worst part ov this entire thing is that I also work with a woman named Gladys who does tonnes ov charity work. So every year she comes in with a list ov kids who aren't going to get Christmas presents because their parents are barely scraping by. Now last year, hardly anyone took kids. I took like 4 and then when we were really strapped I had my brother and my mom help pick up the slack. Through their combined workplaces we got like 20 gifts for kids. This year things are going well. I only took one kid this year and tried to get him as much as I could. The point ov this diatribe is this: why the fuck are we having a fucking Christmas "secret Santa" exchange when there are tonnes ov kids out there on this list who would appreciate the gifts sooooooo much more than we ever will? Like, instead ov taking just one kid, people could have taken 2 or 3. Chances are we are going to get enough crap from our respective families that we don't need another crappy gift from our coworkers.

FOR EXAMPLE: The first year I worked there, all the kids were taken except for one. So the last day everyone was like "Oh, ok we got them all" and so we spent our lunch hour wrapping & labeling the gifts. At the end we realized that one kid hadn't been taken. What did said child want [we get a list ov what they want]? Chocolate with nuts. So simple. So I ended up running to the closest convenience store to buy every single last box that I could find. Done and done.

...
7. All I really want for Christmas is to hang out with the people I love.

 

  Attack of the Poor Time Management Skills 2: The Meandering

The trickiest part of the Civil Procedure exam I just wrote was simply finding the time to say it all. Normally, exams run for three hours, but for this one we were given just two to explore the exciting world of certification of class proceedings, costs, amending pleadings, and many other delights. I like the way my friend Jenn put it, when recounting her experience of today's exam in an e-mail to me. She's been working on a flood of papers this week and had to spend less time preparing than she would have liked (though she's a smart cookie and will doubtlessly surpass my grade), and says "I was literally learning things in the exam room - motions to strike, huh, would you look at that, etc."

Naturally enough, and like many exams in the past, and despite my very best efforts intentions, I spent way too much time on the first half of the exam, and ran out of time for the second. I want to invest so much detail and analysis into each part, especially since the professor urged us to delve not only into statutes, Rules of Civil Procedure, and caselaw, but to get into policy and strategic considerations as well. And I'm like the genie that gives you what you literally wish for and not what you meant to wish for. Way too much information.

And it's not like I'm holding this out as something I'm proud of. No, it's a pathology and I am afraid I need help. I don't know how to be concise and portion my time into 10 and 12 and 24 minute allotments and be thorough as well. This is why I'm better at essays -- and why I opted for so many courses that evaluate through essays and not exams. I'm a good student but I suck at brevity.

If you can name one good thing that is better when done in a hurry, I'll retort with innuendo. Like, "Not when it's done in bed!" 

  "I fought the law and the law won"

The second song I bought today on the iTunes Music Store, a fantastic cover of "I Fought the Law" by Green Day.

And we now return to our regularly scheduled review of certification of class proceedings under the Class Proceedings Act of Ontario. 

  And other things we do to procrastinate...

Ooh -- that was too easy!

I just bought and downloaded my first song through the iTunes Music Store while I sit and study in the library. I'm up to the riveting adventures of "Security for Costs" in my Civil Procedure summary, and was listening some music when I started browsing the online store using the school's VPN network. I played the video for Sarah Harmer's song Almost and remembered how much I enjoyed it when Natalie and I went to see her play at the NAC earlier this fall. I played it again and again, and decided, "aw, what the heck? Why don't I just buy this one little song?"

And so I did.

As intoxicatingly easy and fast as that was, I don't see myself using the Music Store a lot, however, since I have only a measly dial-up internet connection at home (eep) and because I'm a poor student and can't afford music. But when I'm employed next year and have good internet at home... well, let the Homer-esque drooling begin.

Mmm... instant gratification...  

  What's so Civil about Procedure anyway?

Today it's really down to the wire, and I'm hastily throwing together a summary for my Civil Procedure exam tomorrow morning, so I haven't much time to write today, unfortunately. This is one of the few classes they force you to take in upper year law school, and it's beyond a doubt the driest. As least when I took tax law, I was learning a discrete area of the law: there are interesting tax issues to get into, and handy formulas, and implications for real life. And I got a fantastic mark.

Civil procedure, on the other hand, is all about how you prepare to take someone to court. There's no fascinating legal issue other than whether, say, you filed your Statement of Defence within the prescribed 20 day period when you were served the Statement of Claim within Ontario, as demanded by Rule 18.01(a). And as much as this is considered to be a core competency skill, I'm going to be practicing criminal law, which has its own set of Rules of Criminal Procedure entirely, and I took that course last year. So you can bet I'm really excited and stimulated today. I even forced myself to go study at the library because otherwise I'd just pet the cat (or pet myself, for that matter) or do dishes or dang well anything but put together this summary. Discipline is now key.

And here I am, updating my blog while I should be studying.

OK then. Back to it.

Yep.

Any minute now.

Hoo boy. 

  Congratulations: You're an Urban Asshole

The always clever and hip Celeste (whose title is listed as "executive honeybunch" in my address book) points out another handy notification system along the lines of the SHHH cards I pointed out last week. As much as I don't truly get angry about trivia, it is nevertheless true that there are a great many inconsiderate assholes out there who make life just that little bit more frustrating, and periodically make me wish I belonged to a different species. Kindness and good manners are a rare treasure in this cold, me-first, gay-marriage-is-evil, Hummer-driving world. Have a gander:

Assholes rarely know why they are the way they are, so here’s a clue for you on your journey of self-improvement:

• Double parking
  
• Parking in handicap space
  
• Leaving dog in car
  
• Not shovelling sidewalk
  
• Creating your own parking space
  
• Talking really loudly on cell phone while riding public transportation
  
• Being a loud inconsiderate neighbour
  
• Cutting in line
  
• Bringing sixteen items to the fifteen-item express lane
  
• Not tipping / not tipping enough
  
• Not cleaning up after yourself
  
• Not controlling dog
  
• Not giving up seat on public transportation when someone obviously needs it more than you
  
• Walking three abreast on city sidewalks
  
• Leaving trash outside your apartment door
  
• Not dealing with car alarm
  
• Excessive car-horn honking
  
• Leaving kids in car
  
• Leaving your car idling while you run into the store
  
• Snacking on produce and bulk items in grocery store
  
• Opening car door without looking and endangering cyclists
  
• Smoking in non-smoking areas
  
• Taking up too much time with teller because you don't understand how banking works
  
• Using an ATM for 18 consecutive transactions when people are waiting
  
• Not letting others cut grocery line if they have only a couple items
  
• Berating servicepeople for things not their fault
  
• Parking too close to other cars thereby blocking them in
  
• Not letting others out of the train/bus/store/post office before pushing way in
  
• Not making more coffee when you finish the pot
  
• Wearing too much perfume or cologne
  
• Stopping to chat or look around in front of doorway, elevator or escalator
  
• Leaving laundry sitting idle in machine at laundromat
  
• Littering
  
• Talking loudly on cell phone
  
• Not holding the door for the person behind you whose arms are full
  
• Using Barnes & Noble as den
  
• Bringing child to R-rated film
  
• Stinking up office with foul meals and snacks
  
• Trying to sneak through a yellow light, ending up parked in intersection, blocking traffic
  
• Sneezing without covering nose and offering snotty handshake
  
• Not wiping equipment down after you've gotten it sweaty at gym
  
• Not washing hands after using washroom
  
• Plus a blank entry for you to write in
  

pack size :: 10 cards
card size :: 3.5 x 6 inches
colour :: full-colour front, greyscale back

 

  Feeling the love

Yesterday was my dear friend Natalie's 29th birthday, and she had really wanted to make this a special celebration, since she is now applying to law school and thought that, by this time next year, she might not have the time or money or energy to have a big party given that she'd be writing her first-year law exams. As well, I won't be in Ottawa next year, so it seemed like a great time to get people out, do something fun and special, and really make it a birthday party to remember.

And so it was.

Natalie had originally planned the festivities for December 19th, to make sure that everyone was finished with their academic commitments but then e-mailed a bunch of us to say that she actually rescheduled for the 11th. Reservations were made at the Palais Imperial, which is perhaps the best Chinese restaurant in Ottawa, and appropriately elegant and fancy besides. I met her last night in the Byward Market at 7:45, and we walked down to the restaurant together.

When we got inside, I started looking to see if anyone else from the party had yet arrived, and quickly spotted the lovely Celeste sitting at a large table in the back, and as I walked towards the table, realized that she was sitting with my friend Kari from law school. Then I noticed my friend Sandy from law school. And Aimee. And Karla. And Aniel. And my good friend Tara [formerly known on this blog as Caira].

Not only was this Natalie's carefully planned birthday party, but it was also my surprise un-birthday party, complete with my most beloved friends, cake, presents, and dinner and drinks. It was unbelievable, and, according to reliable witnesses, the look on my face was of someone about to throw up.

Which is probably quite an accurate description. I was in no way expecting the party to be about me and was fully looking forward to making a big fuss over Natalie and her friend Candice (who has the exact same birthday as Natalie, December 11, and was also a guest of honour last night). I was not expecting people to be making a big fuss over me. In fact, it makes me nervous and squirmy to have a fuss made over me, and here was a room full of my nearest and dearest friends singing "Happy Un-Birthday to You!" and throwing cards and presents at me and generally making me feel like the luckiest boy on earth.

My birthday is on Christmas Eve, and it's always been a night of mixed feelings, since everyone I know is always committed and/or out of town with their families (naturally enough), so it's hard to have any kind of party, but also it's the anniversary of my father's death, who passed away of a heart attack on my fifth birthday in 1980 when he collapsed while cutting down a Christmas tree. Years ago, Tara pledged to start holding unbirthday parties for me so as to get around these problems. And there we were last night, having a fabulous and huge party that I can honestly say goes down as the best birthday I've ever had. It was simply incredible and despite the laughter and wonderful stories and spirited debates, I was nearly moved to tears several times last night, especially the more I drank.

And oh the presents that were lavished on me. I have more chocolate than any housebound, studying law student should ever be able to lay his hands on. Belgian chocolate, people. And wine. And a gift certificate to Timothy's Coffee, my fourth home (after the Clinic, the Royal Oak, and school. Based on time actually spent, my own apartment actually counts as my fifth home, or my home away from my home away from my home away from my home away from my home away from home). And a copy of The Corporation by Joel Bakan, given to me by Tara. And a gorgeous, stunning, cherrywood clock given to me by Natalie, that will someday be fit for a refined law office and now is ticking away happily and looking much too classy and therefore very out of place in my cluttered, multicoloured bedroom.

But, as I said last night (and as could only sound sincere coming from a sentimental sap like me), the best present of all was being surrounded by so many of my friends. Everyone took time out of their busy schedules, and studying for exams, to come out and celebrate with me. To show their affection and respect. It makes you feel humble, but also incredibly lucky, and truly fulfilled. It's like at the end of It's a Wonderful Life (one of my favourite movies, softy that I am) when everyone in town comes out to help George Bailey and let him know how much he means to them and what a difference he's made in their lives, and suddenly he feels like the richest man on earth.

I feel so good inside, and the only thing that puzzles me or troubles me is the question of what I could possibly have done to deserve such attention. But I won't agonize over that too much today. I'm going to study for my upcoming civil procedure exam, eat some chocolate, drink some coffee, and revel in the warm, glowy glowing feeling of being loved.

Thank you, Natalie. And Happy REAL birthday to you, once again.
And thank you to Celeste, Kari, Aniel, Aimee, Karla, Sandy, Tara, Galen, Nick, Bill, Tonia, Candice, and Nancy.