the daily snivel

Imperial Walkers and corporate pigs aren't enough -- Dick Cheney has enlisted Voltron to help Halliburton and the Bush Administration take over the world, and take over the world Voltron does. Things look grim for the planet Earth, until Hulk Hogan, who joins forces with fat-ass He-Man and Mr. T (along with a growing team of heroes, like Jesus, Christopher Reeve, and Howard "The Scream" Dean), vows to stop the looting and destruction of the United States. It's a game, it's an educational romp, and it's quite tasteless. http://www.emogame.com/bushgame.html

I won, even with my poor hand-eye coordination, so you definitely can. 

During the last party I was at (a bash to celebrate the end of exams), I had the good foresight to bring my SLR camera and take some decent photos of some of my dearest friends from law school, who fill up a huge part of my life and yet I've had no actual pictures of until now. Some of the pictures that came back captured their essences so well that I decided to post them on my blog for posterity. In particular, I like the fact that everyone in these pictures is both drinking and laughing -- truly natural and typical poses for my much-loved pals.


This if a photo of Aimee, who works at the Clinic with me and is someone who almost never stops laughing. Due to a strange arrangement of circumstances, I'm her "surrogate boyfriend" for the summer, as her current boyfriend is in the Yukon Territories for the next two months, and I can be trusted to be distracting and entertaining without being actually any kind of competition. The only inappropriate feelings I might have are actually for Aimee's new bicycle, which is a beautiful pink single-speed "Hello Kitty" bicycle that I am on record as saying I want to lick.


There is no better soul in my law school than Aniel. He's half Irish, half East Indian, and all swell. He's mastered the perfect Guinness pour while working as a bartender in Ireland, conquered tax law, and tells stories of such mirth and wonder to make your eyes water from laughter and amazement.


Jenn is probably my favourite law student, as she mixes up a commitment to social justice and international human rights with even more extraordinary and charming things like an enduring love of Coronation Street, the CBC, wine, and endearing stories about her parents back in Newfoundland. Self-described as the "Pinky Tuscadero" of the faculty of law, she is the funniest person I know, while also being wonderfully politically engaged.


This is a photo of Aniel's sparkling girlfriend, Haley (left), and my wonderful, sweet, quiet friend Samar (right). 

So it turns out that I actually misread my on-line grades report (or maybe it was wishful thinking). My grade for Constitutional Law II was not, in fact, the "C+" I was expecting, but rather a remarkably respectable "B." Unfortunately, that means that the "C+" that did appear in the report was for Family Law, which was easily my favourite course in the winter term and something I really regret not doing better in. It does make sense, however. There were three questions on that exam, all weighted equally. I completed the first two and ran out of time as I began writing the third. Given that I got 66% complete, my "C+" effectively translates into having gotten those first two answers just about perfect. Crappily for me, I just didn't have time to write the third. So, as it turns out, I'm really clever at family law (and, for that matter, constitutional law), but I'm just an idiot when it comes to budgeting enough time to express myself properly.

On the other hand, I still have that "A" in Critical Race Theory to brag about, especially since that was the course I wrote my major paper in. You see, in law school, all students are require to write a 30-40 page major paper on a legal topic as part of their graduation requirements. It's common practice to take a course with a large, heavily weighted (at least 50% of the final grade) essay component, and elect to have that count for the major paper requirement. This is what I did for Critical Race Theory. I wrote a lengthy paper on the USA PATRIOT Act and its constitutional and procedural shortcomings in the face of the growing threat of domestic terrorism (including militias, white supremacists, and anti-abortion terrorists). Now I get to put that shiny grade for my major paper on my resume, and it will stand out prominently on my transcript.

So the moral of that story is: I need to take more essay courses next year if I want to keep my average high.

The other moral of that story is: If you write a major paper and you take out 10 books as a component of your research, take them back in time. I kept holding onto them, bitterly resolving to finish my essay first, and although I took them back in the first week of April, I now owe the library $107 in overdue fines. I was sort of consciously racking up the fine as a way of punishing myself for being a slowpoke, so my eyes were wide open about this, but still -- egads! 

It's strange being paid for something I'm so used to doing for free -- helping out clients at the Legal Aid Clinic. After eight months of being a harried law student in the Criminal Division, I received my first paycheque on Thursday. Now, it hasn't cleared yet (which reminds me that I'm due for a rant about the evils of a banking system that, despite the possibility of instant transfers from one account anywhere in this networked world to another, requires a 6 business day hold on a cheque), so I'm still technically poor, but the fact that there is notional money coming my way for all that running around I already have so much experience at is rather surreal. I suppose it must resemble the transition to becoming a paid sperm donor or a porn actor or something. "Wow! I get a little bit of money for something I usually do for absolutely nothing!"

Truth be told, this is actually my dream job. I sent out articling applications for next year to twelve different Ottawa firms because there's simply no pride or being choosey when it comes to getting a position that is required for being called to the Bar, but the Clinic was the only place I applied to for this summer because it was the only legal job I wanted to work at this summer. I really enjoy working for clients who comprise such a diverse and deserving segment of the public -- if we weren't doing this work, there's a good chance no one would. The University of Ottawa Community Legal Clinic is the only Clinic in Ottawa that practices criminal law, for example. If you were charged with theft and didn't qualify for legal aid funding to hire a private lawyer, or could otherwise find a criminal lawyer who was willing to take your case on pro bono, you'd probably be stuck if we weren't there.

My partner in the Criminal Division is fantastic. We really work well together because we're both committed to criminal law and also working with disadvantaged clients, and because our strengths and weaknesses really offset each other. We both work hard and have great research and advocacy skills, though he's more outgoing than I am and I'm probably a little more fastidious, and we're benefitting from exposure to different working styles. We also have a new student working with us -- he officially belongs to the Aboriginal Legal Services Division, but his caseload is low right now so he's also taken on a good number of Criminal Division files and is learning the ropes from us. The weird thing is that, although he just finished his first year of law school, he's a mature student who has already been a teacher, and is quite a few years older than I am. It's kind of odd having someone ask you all these questions and look up to you when he's already been on his own as a professional and has ten years more life experience than you do. He's really quick to learn, though, and asks smart questions -- by which I mean: he picks up on issues he needs to learn about and asks questions about them. There are no dumb questions in this job since the learning curve is so steep and because constant inquisitiveness and an attention to detail is essential to getting things done right and without a wisp of negligence.

Right now I'm carrying a caseload of about twenty files, which is a little busy but fortunately they're giving us the time we need to work on them all now that training is done. For the past two weeks, we've spent six hours a day in training sessions and learning the finer points of everything from interviewing to limitation dates to the Rules of Professional Conduct of the Law Society of Upper Canada. It was seen as a good idea to make the returning caseworkers go through the lengthy training as well, because there have been some changes to Clinic procedures and practices, and because it's natural to pick up bad habits over the year and this way we're set straight. I certainly a learned a few things that I hadn't know about before, like what official password I should use when I password-protect a client file (which, by necessity, is kept confidential on a secure server). Little things but important things. The difference between good client service and negligence is an attention to detail. Of course, I also got to do a little training, myself. As returning caseworkers, we got to lead our new duckies around the Provincial Courthouse for a formal tour and we had them "shadow" us when we made appearances on behalf of clients at remand court. We were also able to train them by performing mock court appearances so they know what to expect when they go to court themselves. Now that training is winding down, however, I'm finally able to turn my full time and attention to my clients, which is a relief because there are a lot of them. I've already been to court several times since summer employment began (I'll be back again on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings), and there's an awful lot to get done this week.

On a sort of aside, this week my friend received the new Hayden CD that I'd pre-ordered for her on the occasion of her 31st birthday. I hear it's very, very good, and was pleased to know that my friend was listening to it while preparing her articling applications. I'm going to have to get a copy for myself. I'm actually sort of curious to wonder whether she got a gander at this blog. I explained to her and some other friends while we were out one night that I published my journal on-line (in contrast to my friend, who is so private she keeps her diary in a fireproof safe), and subsequently let slip that I'd always regretted giving her the impression I was arrogant and cocky when I wrote a big book o' Rob for her to help her learn more about me during that awkward time when I attempted to woo her. I explained that I was simply prone to self-disclosure, and not someone who thought so highly of himself that he would brag. I put it all in here -- the good and the bad and the truly mundane. I mention this with some trepidation, because if she read it, she would know how I felt about her. Though perhaps it's not really a secret.

Finally:

There are two movies I can heartily recommend to you this week: The Triplets of Belleville, and Bubba Ho-Tep. The first is an amazing musical animated film produced as a joint venture between French and Québecois animators (there are no subtitles, however, so don't worry. There's not even enough dialogue to warrant them. The story tells itself). It is hilarious, and extremely well-produced. Bubba Ho-Tep is a Bruce Campbell movie (think back to Army of Darkness) and is all about an aging Elvis stuck in a rest home with a murderous soul-sucking mummy. Brilliant. Your local movie theatre may not be playing them, but if you have a repetoire theatre, find it and go check them out. A good video store should ultimately have both. 

Well, my grades are finally in. I'm actually quite pleased with most of the results this term, but to my shame I can't show off quite as many stellar scores as I usually do. I finally got my first law school C+ after my calamitous 6-hour Constitutional II take-home exam. I just knew that was the worst exam I ever wrote. On the other hand, most everyone gets a C+ at some point in law school, and at least now I can put it behind me and hope never to see one again.

Happily, my other grades are very respectable, especially when you keep in mind how sharply the averages are curved:

Family Law -- "B"
Advanced Criminal Procedure -- "B+"
Critical Race Theory -- "A"

Plus the cryptic grade of "S" for my Clinic course, which simply means "Satisfactory," and is way better than the alternative, which would mean failure. It was a pass/fail course, you see, so I'm happy with what I got. 

Among other formal requirements, before she or he can be called to the bar as a member as a provincial law society, a graduating law student must work for ten months in a law firm (which would include courts and government ministries) gaining practical experience in procedure under a senior solicitor. It's known as a period of "articling." The position is, mercifully, paid, and may lead to subsequently being hired back as an associate. Applications for articles are generally made around the end of the second year of law school, and like most job searches, it's a stressful and uncertain time. Now, third year is a bit of a treat when you have your articles secured, because you know that as long as you don't completely screw things up, you have a job waiting for you. My sister, for example, is graduating this year and will be articling with the Crown Attorney's Office (the Canadian version of the DA) in Newmarket. Unfortunately, there are presently more law students in Ontario than there are available articling positions. I know quite a few people who are graduating this year who still don't have a position lined up after they complete their Bar Admissions Course in the summer. So all a law student can do is keep those grades up, have a damn good resume, and apply to many, many firms across the province and hope for the best. This, at least, is my strategy.

I sent out my first five applications today. So far I've applied to the Canadian Red Cross, the Ottawa Crown Attorney's Office, the Department of Justice, and two private firms specializing in areas of law I'm fascinated with (one deals in human rights, the other is a general practice firm including criminal and family law). I'm really happy with my cover letter and my resume, and my transcript is great since I have nothing lower than a "B" as yet. These are, of course, no guarantees. There's still the dreaded wait for the call, which is even more torturous than usual because there are specific dates set aside for calls and hiring decisions, so if you don't hear anything you can be fairly sure you're not going to. There is a round for Ottawa-based articles (the deadline for applying for which is May 14), and a round for other articles (such as in Toronto, with a deadline of July 16). I'm still working on many more applications, and I'll let you know as soon as I have any news. Expect something towards the end of May.

Meanwhile, I found a great article about on-line dating from a female perspective, which is chock full of realistic insights and handy tips on how not to be a creepy guy. Meet the Drunken Whore: http://drunkenwhore.blogspot.com/2004_03_01_drunkenwhore_archive.html

It's written by a fellow Ottawa inhabitant, who I found rather witty, though we've never crossed paths. Still, it is a great companion to my own misadventures in on-line dating. 

I've been going to the gym fairly regularly since February of this year with a friend at the legal clinic (we go about three times a week). We do a number of exercises, especially bench pressing and abdominal exercises, as well as half an hour of cardiovascular activity (usually the elliptical machine for me). So, while I've certainly noticed steady progress in the two months that have elapsed since then in terms of enhanced musculature and weight loss, I thought it reasonable to point out that I can bench fifty pounds more than I could just two months ago. I can now do repetitive sets of 165 pounds.

At this rate, by the end of the summer, I'll be lifting small cars.