True Love Testin' Checklist

Have you ever been in love?

Did you ever want to know if it would work out? Are you unsure? Is it so achingly angstlicious that you let magazine surveys tell you if you're happy? Then let me rule your love life for you. With my homestyle

TRUE LOVE TEST.

What is the name of your sickness (which is to say, your object of affection):

Do you find this name acceptable? Does it agree with your tastes?
Can it possibly be the name of a happy, fertile, and well-adjusted person?
If you can honestly answer yes, then go to the next space.

Part I -- what is love? IDEALIZED PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

`Age:`
`Height:`
`Hair:`		(natural colour):

Eyes (number of):

Piercings -- total:

(check all that apply): Ear left right

Nose

Tongue

Nipple left right

Navel

Genital penis/clitoris labia nail through penis

Other (explain)

Number of Chromosomes: (if more or less than 23 evenly matched pairs from a normal 46, please explain, giving planet of origin if necessary):

Number of shoulders: Number of digits:

feet:

left right

hands:

left right

Eye patches: left right

Parrots: (currently sitting on shoulder):

Cutlasses:

Prostheses: (does sickness have bionic super powers?):

Part II - Assigning normality. PERSONALITY AND BACKGROUND.

Planet of origin:

Solar system:

Galaxy:

Date of Birth (is subject time travelling space floozy?):

If from non-earth world (magma core of earth included), please explain subject's mission here:

Subject is: sane insane: (i) seething cauldron of unfocused rage (ii) paranoiacal -- capable of being WORSE than STALIN (iii) psychosis and drooling (iv) insane in a funny kind of way (v) is busy killing your younger brother (vi) is busy eating your younger brother (vii) is busy lighting variously sized fires (viii) is considered a demon in some underdeveloped countries Super powers: used for: good evil shrug, whatever. Heroes: Too jaded for heroes Albert Einstein Agnes McPhail Kermit the Frog Mother Father Walt Disney me Sid and Marty Kroft Johnny Steam Mary Holiday Nike CEO, Phil Knight Kevin Smith Michael Moore Andrea Dworkin Hitler Darth Vader Jesus Christ, our Lawd, you SINNERS! other: Frequency of (avg. per hour): smiles laughter hugs nervous twitches kisses messianistic delusions cannibalistic tendancies murders conversations with 'The VOICES'

(check all that apply):	Ear	left right
	Nose
	Tongue
	Nipple	left right
	Navel
	Genital	penis/clitoris labia nail through penis
Other (explain)

`Eye patches:`	left right
`Parrots:`		(currently sitting on shoulder):
`Cutlasses:`
`Prostheses:`		(does sickness have bionic super powers?):

TRUE LOVE TEST.

Part I -- what is love? IDEALIZED PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

Part II - Assigning normality. PERSONALITY AND BACKGROUND.

The Nitty Gritty