the daily snivel
Quack, quack
Well, the doctor I saw today says I'm just fine, which somehow does not fill me with confidence given how rotten I feel. My head is still hot, achy, and dizzy, my tonsils are redder than a baboon's bottom, my lungs have less room for air what with all the yellow phlegm they've been accomodating, and although I've come into the Clinic to get some essential work done today, I've been suffering the whole time and exposing everyone to my infectious plague germs.
In fact, I don't feel the slightest bit better and I think it would serve that doctor right if I just died.
That'd show him.
Speaking of primates (however loosely), I think it is vitally important to remind you not to mess with them, in case you had an outstanding grudge with that know-it-all chimp from Every Which Way But Loose, or BJ and the Bear, or the evil monkey in Chris Griffin's closet. Remember: you know that horrible burning rage inside your brain that makes you want to take revenge on those have wronged you? That's a lingering vestige of your monkey brain. However, primates are all angry monkey brain. They are also much stronger than humans and literally capable of tearing you limb from limb, what with the exceptional upper body strength which they possess (and that we lack, thanks to our bipedal locomotion). They also have remarkably good cause to hate all humans.
Why do I bring this up?
I'm not trying to make light of this horrible mutilation, but rather draw an important lesson: Primates. Monkeys. Apes. Don't mess with 'em. And don't make them wear rollerskates.
Comments:In fact, I don't feel the slightest bit better and I think it would serve that doctor right if I just died.
That'd show him.
Speaking of primates (however loosely), I think it is vitally important to remind you not to mess with them, in case you had an outstanding grudge with that know-it-all chimp from Every Which Way But Loose, or BJ and the Bear, or the evil monkey in Chris Griffin's closet. Remember: you know that horrible burning rage inside your brain that makes you want to take revenge on those have wronged you? That's a lingering vestige of your monkey brain. However, primates are all angry monkey brain. They are also much stronger than humans and literally capable of tearing you limb from limb, what with the exceptional upper body strength which they possess (and that we lack, thanks to our bipedal locomotion). They also have remarkably good cause to hate all humans.
Why do I bring this up?
CALIENTE, CALIF. - Two chimpanzees broke free from their cage at a California animal sanctuary Thursday, chewing off most of a 62-year-old man's face and biting his wife.
...
The couple, who had brought a birthday cake to Moe, were standing outside his cage when two other chimps in an adjoining cage, Buddy and Ollie, attacked.
Sanctuary officials say they don't know how Buddy and Ollie escaped from their cage.
Hospital officials say St. James Davis is in critical condition with massive injuries to his face, arm and leg. His testicles and a foot were severed and he will require extensive surgery to re-attach his nose.
His wife, LaDonna, was bitten on the hand while trying to save her husband.
I'm not trying to make light of this horrible mutilation, but rather draw an important lesson: Primates. Monkeys. Apes. Don't mess with 'em. And don't make them wear rollerskates.
