the daily snivel
Never is a promise
One of the reasons I've been quiet lately is that I'm still recovering from the massive head trauma caused by the election results in the United States. For those of you in the United States who aren't sorry -- believe me, you will be. You will be.
[Links -- Spoof sent to werenotsorry.com;
REAL post from werenotsorry.com)]
Another reason I've been quiet lately is that my personal life has just been stupid.
A year ago, I made a promise. I told a friend that I wouldn't bring up dating again, because I could tell it made her uncomfortable. And yes, this is the same wonderful friend who I've had to come to terms with being in love with, and also come to terms with the fact that it will never work out.
Well, a few weeks ago we had some wine, watched a great BBC show called "The Office" on DVD, and had many laughs, and then stupid, lovesick, obviously-knew-better-but-acted-like-a-dink-anyway me decided to ruin the evening by putting my hand on her knee in a clumsy romantic gesture. The offending hand was quickly removed by my friend with an admonishment that I clearly knew better after all this time.
And I did know better. And I apologized, and my friend felt it was better to just move on and forget it happened. She's private and not the sort of person who likes to talk about these things, especially not when they've been talked about before.
I guess all this time I'd been nurturing the false hope that something had changed. That as we'd come closer together, we'd overcome the problems that had gotten in the way of dating before. But it was just wishful thinking, and very childish wishful thinking at that. I saw what I wanted to see, and not what was really there. And in the process I feel I've lost a lot of the trust and respect my friend had for me. And for no reason other than the fact that I couldn't let go of the torch I'd been carrying, which isn't a good reason at all.
Oh, our friendship will endure. We hang out a fair bit and will undoubtedly make an evening out of The Office: Season 2 in the weeks ahead. But I've felt very awkward the past few weeks, and it's only now that I can really talk about it and think of the lessons learned (or do I ever really learn?).
So, here's my vow: No more secret crushes. If I like someone, I say something. If that's the end of it, then that's the end of it. The torch drops here.
[Links -- Spoof sent to werenotsorry.com;
REAL post from werenotsorry.com)]
Another reason I've been quiet lately is that my personal life has just been stupid.
A year ago, I made a promise. I told a friend that I wouldn't bring up dating again, because I could tell it made her uncomfortable. And yes, this is the same wonderful friend who I've had to come to terms with being in love with, and also come to terms with the fact that it will never work out.
Well, a few weeks ago we had some wine, watched a great BBC show called "The Office" on DVD, and had many laughs, and then stupid, lovesick, obviously-knew-better-but-acted-like-a-dink-anyway me decided to ruin the evening by putting my hand on her knee in a clumsy romantic gesture. The offending hand was quickly removed by my friend with an admonishment that I clearly knew better after all this time.
And I did know better. And I apologized, and my friend felt it was better to just move on and forget it happened. She's private and not the sort of person who likes to talk about these things, especially not when they've been talked about before.
I guess all this time I'd been nurturing the false hope that something had changed. That as we'd come closer together, we'd overcome the problems that had gotten in the way of dating before. But it was just wishful thinking, and very childish wishful thinking at that. I saw what I wanted to see, and not what was really there. And in the process I feel I've lost a lot of the trust and respect my friend had for me. And for no reason other than the fact that I couldn't let go of the torch I'd been carrying, which isn't a good reason at all.
Oh, our friendship will endure. We hang out a fair bit and will undoubtedly make an evening out of The Office: Season 2 in the weeks ahead. But I've felt very awkward the past few weeks, and it's only now that I can really talk about it and think of the lessons learned (or do I ever really learn?).
So, here's my vow: No more secret crushes. If I like someone, I say something. If that's the end of it, then that's the end of it. The torch drops here.
