the daily snivel

Tomorrow I am once again running myself through that infamous, bloody rigamarole of pain, suffering, and ritualized supplication known as the job search. I have an interview at 3:30 with a placement agency -- they told me that they have a job in mind quite similar to what I was doing before at Agriculture Canada, such as scanning and creating graphics and designing web pages. I'm quite excited, but also rather skeptical about the process. I mean, false starts and dashed hopes litter the battlefield of employment opportunities just like craters and dead civilians litter the disputed sands of that other land of opportunity known as Iraq. Inevitably, something stupid and uncontrollable strips the magical possibility of gainful employment away. On one occasion, it was the fact that I didn't get to the phone quickly enough for a rush job that had to be filled by 5pm that day. By the time I called back (half an hour later), the job was already taken. And, well, I've already recounted the sorry tale of the swell job opportunity in litigation support that only required, besides the many other skills and qualifications I amply possess, secret level security clearance. Sigh. But Rob the compulsive overachiever is learning something about getting used to disappointment and failure, at least. That is -- real life. Not every job is going to be a sure thing. Not everything I try is going to work perfectly. I can only do so much. So, I'm getting better at dusting myself off each time I hit the pavement, and showing up for the next interview with enthusiasm, and updating my resume with good-natured aplomb.

It's been a long month, however, and I'm looking forward to actual income. Right now I'm living on the kindness of my friends and loved ones, which on the one hand makes me feel tremendously rich (in the sense of being surrounded by loving people who want to see me with a roof over my head and peanut butter in the cupboard), but also makes me feel wretchedly poor.

Ah, but I suppose suffering builds character. Here's hoping the summer fills me up with that, at least.